I said to her ” WHAT IF those words Ben said to you are like ping pong balls. What if they come towards you, but bounce right off in another direction. Or what if you ducked and they missed you altogether?”

She looked confused. But she stopped crying. I knew my girl was still emotionally labile at that moment, so decided to recruit her brother for my demonstration. I made a circle with my finger and thumb to represent a ping pong ball and told him to imagine a nasty word inside it – let’s take “degage” which means “get lost” in French and had been said to him 2 days previous. (We live in Switzerland…to clarify).

I told him to imagine it was coming straight for his head and asked him what he could do?

And he ducked!

And he laughed. And then Chloë said “my turn, my turn!!”

They ducked, they kicked the imaginary ball, they blew it away, and finally they simply agreed that they didn’t even need to do anything…that it could simply bounce off them.

And off they went to school, ready to try it out in their little minds should the situation arise that someone would say something mean today.

I often tell them the old Taoist parable “The Empty Boat” by Chuang Tzu.

​Once upon a time, there was a Zen monk living in a small monastery near a forest and by a lake. One day he decides to meditate alone, away from his monastery. He takes his boat out to the middle of the lake, moors it there, closes his eyes, and begins his meditation. After a few hours of undisturbed silence, he suddenly feels the bump of another boat colliding with his own.

With his eyes still closed, he senses his anger rising, and by the time he opens his eyes, he is ready to scream at the boatman who dared disturb his meditation. But when he opens his eyes, he sees it is an empty boat that had probably got untethered and floated to the middle of the lake.

At that moment, the monk realises that the anger is within him; it merely needs the bump of an external object to provoke it out of him.

From then on, whenever he came across someone who irritated him or provoked him to anger, he reminded himself: ”The other person is merely an empty boat. The anger is within me……”

Taken from www.dailytenminutes.com

I asked the kids… “what makes us angry? Is it other people or things that happen to us? Or is it something else?” It is not the empty boat, but our reaction to it that causes the anger. All the people or situations that make us upset and angry are just like the empty boat.

NOTHING has the power to make us angry or upset but ourselves.

It’s one of the most important lessons in resilience I can give my children and a little imagination and story-telling is always great for this. I also think it is vital to ALLOW the emotions that boil up to do just that in childhood, let them bubble up, allow them to be processed, and often if the feelings are permitted and acknowledged compassionately, they move on to something else a few minutes later anyway!

Let me know if this is helpful with your children! Or you!!

Want to know how I Get My Kids to Walk Long Distances… or Walk at all? Click here.

The post Nasty words are like ping pong balls: Teaching resilience through imagery appeared first on Bare Soled Girl.

I watched this docudrama, and have been shaking my head in disbelief ever since. It is being described by Netflix as exploring “the dangerous human impact of social networking, with tech experts sounding the alarm on their own creations.”

So I knew that social media giants mine data, and monitor what we are doing to some degree, but it never bothered me that much because I figured….I always have a choice. I have a choice what to click, I have a choice when to put the phone down. 

I’ll never forget coming out of a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat in Ireland, feeling absolute peace and contentment. It was time to collect my belongings (mobile phones were confiscated for the duration of the retreat). I wasn’t alone in feeling complete dread at the thought of switching on my phone again and entering back into that world. 

Why are we doing this to ourselves? If we are completely honest, the majority of us would say we hate spending so much time on our phones. So why do it? Because, as soon as we get on there, our psychology is hijacked! Algorithms are placed and exploited to predict and influence human behaviour. Tristan Harris, a former design ethicist at Google compares our phones to slot machines. “Each time you’re swiping down, it’s like a slot machine,” he says. “You don’t know what’s coming next. Sometimes it’s a beautiful photo. Sometimes it’s just an ad.” This feeds into the ‘pull to refresh’ function. Every time we pull down to refresh our timeline, we don’t know what we’ll discover. It’s a nice distraction from everyday life. If I am having a moment of worry, frustration, or plain boredom, there is my adult pacifier just waiting for me to check out my Instagram stories. It’s alluring, it draws you in and makes you keep coming back. And if you disengage, you get peppered with little messages to grab your attention and pull you back in. My favourite one is “you’ve been tagged in someone’s photo.” Now that’s an impossible one to ignore, well done Facebook. 

But here’s the thing, I am as guilty as the creators of these platforms. I create posts, and stories to grab your attention. 

Why, because I want to grow my following. 

Why, because I want more people to know about barefoot footwear and natural movement. 

My intentions are genuine, but I am making efforts to draw you in, to take you away from your REAL life to spend time on my profile. And the worst thing is that when I am out with my family, my 5-year-old reminds me that I should really photograph a certain landscape or activity to put on Instagram. Here’s a 5-year-old, living completely in the now, and I have already somehow implanted the idea in her head that moments of presence need to be documented on social media. And she has taken part in all my unboxing videos. On the screen, it looks so innocent and sweet, right? The reality is its bullshit. 

I still want to share barefoot footwear that is good for your body, and for the planet. But I don”t want to take you away from your lives. You all have one life. And it is way too important to spend scrolling images of barefoot shoes, no matter how gorgeous (and sustainable!) they are. So, from today, I will be changing a few things on my Instagram, for my benefit and hopefully the benefit of my readers.

I will be removing all story highlights.

I won’t be posting any more stories.

I won’t be posting any more unboxing videos.

Each post on my feed will be mindfully chosen and written, and images 100% unfiltered.

I will focus more on building my website than on growing my Instagram.

I will leave you all with the trailer to the documentary so you can decide for yourself whether to watch it or not. Thankfully, there are lots of good ideas at the end for how we can help ourselves and our children. Check out their website here with lots of information including this great app.

The post Has your mind been hijacked? appeared first on Bare Soled Girl.

Fortunately, I had read a great book by Millburn & Nicodemus named Everything That Remains: A Memoir by The Minimalists. They introduced to me the concept of possessions possessing you. In other words, the more stuff you have, the more tied to it you become. I get this. All the clothes, the furniture, the gadgets, the accoutrements we believe we need to live our lives… It’s all a big dirty lie really. It’s part of the reason my partner and I wanted to step out of the “matrix” (or the current model of society with its set of beliefs, cultural norms, attitudes, and conditioned states), in the first instance (and now I’m not sure if I can go back to this model).

It was liberating to know what was in my wardrobe before I opened it. Preluding house moves and van life, my wardrobe was a maze where I would walk in (Narnia style) and emerge three days later still without an outfit (often for a night out I didn’t want to go to in the first place). 

Still and all, I recognised how easy it could be to shuffle from one box, the consumerist box (buy heaps of shit you don’t need), to yet another box, the minimalist box, a less conspicuous one, but still a box all the same. By deciding to be a minimalist, you follow its ideologies, which could cause it to become just another trap of attempting to fit in. And something hit me: as long as we place ourselves in boxes we can never be free.

I’m more conscious of my actions and the effect of those actions on the planet, however, I also enjoy a nice meal in a restaurant or the purchase of a beautiful barefoot shoe! We are all contradictory in our own way! I would say I’m finally trying to decide by myself for myself what’s right for me, (within the limits of society of course… If walking around a city naked is right for you, you might run into problems at some point). My boxes/labels have now become action statements. Here are a few to whet your appetite. Make sure and contemplate your personal boxes and how they might be affecting your freedom.

I’m a minimalist (label/box)… has become: everything I own has a value and purpose in my life (action statement).

I’m a vegetarian (label/box)… has become: I don’t eat much meat (action statement).

I’m an attachment parent (label/box)… has become: I enjoy creating a close bond with my children (action statement).

I’m a nomad… (a new label for me!) has become: I’m currently traveling with no defined end date (action statement). 

I follow a zero-waste lifestyle (label/box)… has become: I take steps to lower my impact on the planet’s resources (action statement).

Subsequently, it was early 2019, and I opened my inbox one morning and looked at the 1,426 old emails I had been holding onto. I’m aware this is negligible compared to the hundreds of thousands some folks have in their inboxes.

My geriatric emails, dating back over a decade (I kid you not), had been retained for three reasons:

1. Just in case… for example, I might one day need to know which socks I bought from ASOS 8 years ago
2. Laziness… I simply couldn’t be arsed going through them all to delete
3. Time… I didn’t have the time to go through everything                             

Life was busy, I had two young kids, shit to get done, and also a persisting feeling that maybe I would need to know which blimin socks I bought. They were amazing socks. YOU NEVER KNOW right?! In the name of my action statement (which said that everything I own has a value and purpose in my life), I eventually decided they had to go, sock ones and all.

How I did it:

Step 1: I grabbed 6 emails that had important passwords and placed them in a separate folder. 

Step 2: I unsubscribed from various personalities, companies, and organisations that served me once upon a time, but not anymore.

Step 3: I got Joel to come and do the rest since I couldn’t figure out how to delete so many at once. (He is the reason you are reading this, by the way, technology is not my strong point.)

Step 4: I panicked a little, remembering I hadn’t kept emails back from when we started dating. But then I realised, it is OK, he is here beside me right now in the PRESENT, so yesterday’s emails are not so important.

After 1,420 email deletions and the closing of 2 email accounts, the job was complete. I had 6 emails in my inbox. And would you believe it felt absolutely great! (Is that sad by the way?)

Looking back over the quotation in the book I’d read, I ascertained that even emails can be classed as possessions that possess you. 

How many emails are in your inbox now?

Don’t worry friends, no judgement ……

Check out my related post on saying NO!

The post I Have Six Emails in My Inbox appeared first on Bare Soled Girl.

What if we paid as much time consciously recognising when we are in a state of joy in the present?

What if we paid attention to what that feels like and what are the circumstances around us at that moment?

What if we did it with our kids too?

What is so wonderful about sitting on the beach looking at waves for some, being immersed in artwork or having a brisk walk for others?

Catch yourself in the flow.

Ask yourself what is it about this that you love?

Pay attention.

How is your breathing at this moment?

Once you become more familiar with these patterns, it becomes much easier to have awareness when certain emotions are triggered. You can say to yourself “ok I really don’t like how this feels in my body, I notice this, I am not going to get attached to it, I recognise it will pass (like all emotions do) and I don’t need to do anything.

You realise there is a choice in every moment. Someone can try to make you angry but no one has the power to do this but yourself, depending on how you handle the emotion that has arisen.

So when I am triggered, I repeat to myself, “I am the only one who has the power to trigger my own circuitry.” The more we look at our circuitry the more we realise that we have a say in what circuitry gets activated/prolonged. So when you’re feeling happy, pay close attention!

The post When you’re feeling happy, pay attention! appeared first on Bare Soled Girl.

Hi everyone! For this weeks post, one of my clients has allowed me to post the entire details of an email consult here. I thought it might be helpful as I am sure many of you will relate to her issues. Section 1 consists of a questionnaire to gain more understanding of her day to day routine, and Section 2 gives a host of ideas to incorporate more movement into her day in a fun and effortless way.

SECTION 1: QUESTIONNAIRE

Bare Soled Girl: Could you tell me a little about your general health, if you have any issues that prevent you from navigating your day to day life (injuries, illness etc)?

Client: I have a dodgy pelvis since pregnancy that hasn’t gone back to normal. Otherwise, fit and healthy, if a little ‘unfit’.

BSG: I would highly recommend this series of movements, to wake up and mobilise your shoulder blades, spine, pelvis and ribcage. There are 4 movements in total. I do these every day and they feel amazing. P.S. I will be taking Gary Wards courses very soon!

BSG: What is your average weekday like? Try to be as specific as possible, right down to the hour you get up, go to bed, what your morning vs afternoon schedule is etc etc….the more info the better!

Client: I’m a stay at home mum to a 4-year-old boy. I co-sleep with him so the early hours of the morning often involve lying in a fixed position trying not to move him up.

BSG: You said you end up in a fixed position in the early morning. See if you can make it a slightly different ‘fixed’ position each time…change up the geometry a little and try not to tense in this position. That way you are ‘squishing’ your cells in a slightly different way each time…and that all classifies as movement!!!

Client: He wakes about 7 and I either go back to bed if I’m tired or get up and play with him for a few hours, indoors or in the garden doing gardening.

BSG: A little gardening alignment tip:

Client: We walk down to town for lunch, walk around town, shop and go to the park and walk home. (All in all about 4000 steps – hard to increase it – nowhere else to go!)

BSG: Perhaps don’t ALWAYS walk on the same path through your town, and if you have nowhere else to walk mix it up somehow. If it’s a loop, go in a different direction. Walk on the other side of the sidewalk. Change something, it will make you more alert. Bend down to look at flowers etc with son in the same way as shown above in gardening video to get in some squats. Have some fun at the playground:

Client: I tend to push him home in the pushchair as we live up a very steep hill.

BSG: Try some games to encourage your little boy up the steep hill…” meet you there” game for eg…where you run to the next available tree, car etc and he does the same etc…..you could also toy with the idea of carrying him for parts of the steep hill stretch in various ways; piggyback, in one arm, around your back etc…be playful with the idea, a great way to get some upper body strength work.

Client: Then it’s dinner and bedtime. He goes to bed at 7, where I lie with him till he falls asleep,

BSG: You could incorporate some of your restorative stretches here, some breathing or meditation?

Client: Then I come down and chat with my partner / watch TV/read till bedtime – but I do sit on the floor for this.

BSG: Get yourself some yoga tune-up balls here, to enjoy self-massage of tight fascia while you watch tv, a super delicious way to unwind.

BSG: What does a weekend usually consist of for you?

Client: Usually drive somewhere to do shopping, lunch and a trip. Not nearly as much walking as I’d like as my partner is often tired and we haven’t really got into the routine of pushing ourselves (2-3000 steps)

BSG: Try frisbee or flying a kite in the park. I recently invested in a Flybold Slackline kit and it’s incredible how the whole family want to get involved, including my partner who is also often tired. It is amazing fun and there’s always cheap ones going on eBay.

BSG: Is there any way your family could socialise at the weekend in a forest/park with a few friends/other families? : playing some games together, having a picnic etc.. (written before pandemic)

BSG: What does your time for fitness/exercise look like?

Client: I do Katy Bowman’s online classes 1 or 2 x a week. I often try and stretch/move while I’m sitting. I could do more if I didn’t waste time on my phone. I could go to classes on the weekend if I wanted to, but I prefer Katy’s work to a yoga class!

BSG: Perhaps rather than going to a class, take the opportunity to get in a longer walk on possibly more challenging ground. Get your fiancee to drop you to the next village etc and make your way back… like a little mini-adventure for yourself. Keep going with stretches and moves here and there throughout the day, that’s all great. Think about downloading an app that helps you track your phone usage.

Also, dance with your son, swing him, lift him up as part of the dance etc, all great strengthening and mobility work.

BSG: What changes would you like to see in your daily life and why? What do you feel is holding you back from fitness goals. Feel free to elaborate into other lifestyle goals here aside from fitness. I just want to get a feel for your life as it is right now and how to work within that framework.

Client: Without drastically changing my lifestyle, I don’t know how to walk more, get my upper body moving and help my son move more. My son will be home educated so our life won’t change much but there’s scope for more. We live in a small town so unless we walk to another village it’s not really possible to walk any further. Unless I was less anxious about taking longer trips maybe. It sounds silly but I always wish my partner was really into this so he could help me lead the way, but I feel I have to drag my family along on this mission with me.

BSG: Yes it does seem hard when you know this is beneficial for the whole family but your other half isn’t as excited about it! I have been there! Just keep going…he will begin to see the fun you are having and the changes you are making to your mind and body and he may become indirectly interested from seeing you!

SECTION 2: MORE MOVEMENT SUGGESTIONS

Ideas for More Garden Movement:

• Keep climbing that tree! Encourage your little boy to climb and model by climbing a little yourself!
• If you can get your hands on an old ladder and raise it at both ends and crawl over it together. Crawling is an incredible movement that incorporates balance work and coordination with whole-body movement
• Crawling Instructions: Your hands should be directly under your shoulders and knees under your hips. Hands straight ahead with elbow pits forward. Bring your heels up so you can use your toes to move. Next, apply pressure in your hands and pop your knees off the ground around 4 inches. Your back should be roughly parallel to the ground. You want to maintain this level throughout your crawl. To begin crawling, move in a contralateral pattern (opposite hand and foot.) Move your right hand forward and left foot forward at the same time. Then switch. Left hand forward, right foot forward. Look in front of you to see where you are going, but only lift your head as much as necessary to see. Be careful not to let your knees flare out to the side. To make sure your knees are properly aligned, keep your knee in line with your elbow.
• Take various items outside and practice balancing/jumping from one to the next, you can be kangaroos together…..can be yoga blocks, cushions, books etc etc…possibilities are endless.
• Go barefoot in the grass and whatever other ‘vitamin textured’ ground you have access to…rocks, stones etc….mobilise your feet as much as you can with different terrain.
• Grab these cards from Primal Play and have some fun together!

Ideas for More General Outdoor Movement:

• Is there any way you could squeeze in a 20-minute walk before your fiancee heads out to work in the morning a few mornings a week?

Ideas for More Indoor Movement:

• Squat down on the floor to prep vegetables for your meal.
• Grate cheese, carrot etc by hand (some handwork!)
• Put your cups up on a high shelf so you have to reach up for them.
• Practice sitting in different ways on the floor, and getting up in different ways.
• Make or buy a textured mat that you can place in an area where you walk over frequently. You could also buy one such as this, which is also aesthetically beautiful (see image below).

• Crawl from room to room and invite your son to attach to your belly like a koala! Or on your back like a camel!

• Each time you go up your stairs, do it a little differently. For example one time you could take 2 steps at a time, next time go up sideways, next time crawl etc
• Did I already mention dance? What a fun way to move your family. Just choose some upbeat music and off you go!
• Try Cosmic Kids Yoga here with your little one (see below eg. video) I do it with my kids as it is great fun!

I hope these ideas are helpful. Remember, movement is something to be enjoyed. It is part of the essence of being human. Let’s not turn it into punishment!

The post How to add more movement to your life…without having to change your life! appeared first on Bare Soled Girl.

The Question

What is the inner shadow?

“It contains all the parts of ourselves that we have tried to hide or deny, the parts we believe are not acceptable to our family, friends, and, most importantly, ourselves. It is made up of everything that annoys, horrifies, or disgusts us about other people or about ourselves. It holds all that we try to hide from those we love and all that we don’t want other people to think about us or find out about us. As the great Swiss psychologist C.G. Jung says, our shadow is the person we would rather not be.” Debbie Ford

What I think is important to mention is that our inner shadow is largely unknown to most of us, so unknown in fact that most of us have no idea at all that it exists. It represents those parts of us that lie outside our awareness, and our egos keep it that way. It takes efforts to make the unknown known, and once awareness is brought there, we can start working with our shadows to become a more whole, balanced, and integrated human being, and that means in simple terms; our authentic beauty and light as humans can shine.

The Pondering

Recently,

– being a mum had been feeling like a chore

– being an unschooling mum had been feeling even more like a chore

I found myself struggling to find ideas for my kids when I really felt like lying in the sun with a good book. I felt resentment that even though children are to return back to their respective schools soon, that mine wouldn’t be!

I thought to myself “Who have I become? Who was I before I was a mum? Why does it feel like the roles of being a mum, partner, homeschooling facilitator, and blogger are not happily co-existing with also just being ME?”

Let me introduce you to Caroline age 30.

I am Caroline. I am 30 years old. I work in a business school in Lausanne, Switzerland. I have my own apartment looking out at the beautiful vistas of Lake Geneva.

I have met a really cool guy called Joël. He is mysterious yet down to earth, shy yet quietly content in his own skin. And a French accent to die for!

I meet friends when I feel like it, stay home when I feel like it, and go for coffees with a good book often.

I love my life.

I am beautiful.

I am confident.

I am sexy.

I am free.

I am worthy.

I am independent.

I am fearless.

Fast forward 10 years to the present day….. sometimes I am not sure if I know that lady anymore, but she sure sounds like fun!

I certainly struggle to own those parts of me that felt so abundantly mine all those years ago. Since becoming a mum I have, at times, been feeling:

inadequate.

fearful.

aging.

unsexy.

dependant.

What has changed in the 7 years I have been a mum? It has been said that having children teaches us a lot about ourselves. No shit Sherlock!!!

Dr. Shefali (an Indian psychologist) puts it beautifully when she says

“Sometimes our children awaken us to our tardiness, other times to our obsessions, yet others to our anxieties, our need for perfection, our desire for control, our inability to say “yes” or our inability to say “no,” our power issues, our dependency issues, our marital troubles, our addictions. Most often they teach us how unable we are to be still. How to engage with full-on presence. How to be open. Spontaneous. Playful. Intuitive. Authentic. The list is endless. It is in how they act and react to us and then, how we act and react to them, that we are able to see our unconscious at play.

Let us stop imagining that parenting is about the raising of our children. Let’s get real and begin acting like a true parent and begin raising ourselves.”

Could those negative traits have been hidden from my awareness, but were in fact always there, waiting for an incident, a situation, a person, or having children to bring them to the fore? Have my children awoken my feelings of inadequacy, fear, aging, unsexiness, and dependency? And then, what do I do with this new awareness? Do I get rid of my kids so I can go back to finding the formerly listed traits that I embraced and liked about myself? Or do I go through the muddy puddles of the so-called negative traits, deciphering where they may have come from, embracing them, accepting them, and creating some new interpretations of them?

The Process

I have been reading a book called The Dark Side of the Shadow Chasers, and in it, the author Debbie Ford details many exercises that can help with owning parts of ourselves we have hidden away. She states that:

“the greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are – without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.”

I have been thinking about that statement a lot, and wondered…

• What if being MORE you meant you became LESS likable or popular to others?
• What if embracing all those aspects of yourself that you don’t like, meant your social behaviour would change, and your friends may feel like they don’t know who you are anymore?

• What if you spoke with ultimate honesty, all the time, owning each word you say, with integrity, even if it makes you unpopular?
• My confidence, sexiness, worthiness must still be there, but what if it has felt unacceptable to embrace those aspects of myself in whatever mothering community I was part of?
• What if being more me meant I was less likable to my family members, my partner, or my children?
• What about ditching the f **king mask?!

She discusses one helpful way to reveal what are our hidden aspects in the following exercise.

Follow along, its fun in a vexatious kind of way!

Exercise 1

Take a page. Write down the name of someone you know.

Draw a line down the middle of the page and on one side write all the things you like about this person on the left, and that you don’t like on the right.

Now write before each item on the left column…I love myself when…..

And before each item on the right column: I don’t like myself when….

This is a simple way to identify that what you see in another person is really about you.

People in our lives can be catalysts for us to find our own beauty and light. Do we give away our power by projecting onto others all the positive aspects that we are not connected to? Likewise, do we emotionally plug into others the negative aspects of ourselves that we have disowned at some point in our lives because we felt like we needed to in order to be accepted?

So here’s my exercise completed, I changed the person’s name for obvious reasons.

So I guess it goes like this…..

I love myself when…. I am kind

I love myself when …. I am caring

I love myself when…. I am confident

I love myself when…. I am intelligent

I love myself when…. I am open-minded

I love myself when ….I see the big picture

I love myself when….. I don’t care what others think

I will admit, when I did this, I felt a little teary-eyed. Wow, am I begrudging my own innate power by projecting my own positive traits onto someone else? Am I ready to own my own kindness, my own confidence again as I once did pre-motherhood? Am I ready to care less about what others think?

And the negatives….

I don’t like myself when…. I am judgemental

I don’t like myself when…. I am self-righteous

I don’t like myself when…. I am obsessive

I don’t like myself when…. I am lazy

I don’t like myself when…. I am intense

I don’t like myself when…. I expect too much

Am I ready to accept that I am lazy and that this is okay, that I am judgemental and that this is also okay?

In doing this exercise, it has definitely become clear that I project my greatness, my power on other people that I am inspired by. It brings to my mind all the blogs I follow, the Instagram women of power, and the Ted talkers!

Exercise 2

A second exercise looks at our core beliefs, where they come from, then devising new interpretations for them. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What are the core beliefs that are running my life?
2. Is this really my own idea, or did I adopt it?
3. Why do I have this belief?
4. Does this belief empower me?
5. What would I have to give up to alter this belief?

In my case……

1. What are the core beliefs that are running my life? I am not good enough.
2. Is this really my own idea, or did I adopt it? I adopted it from others.
3. Why do I have this belief? Because I believed what teachers etc said was true.
4. Does this belief empower me? Not at all!
5. What would I have to give up to alter this belief? I would have to give up the idea that this is the absolute truth.

Then write a short letter to each belief, thanking it for serving me.

Now invent a new belief to replace the old ones. Make a verbal commitment to honor this new belief.

“I am good just as I am, by being my true authentic self.”

This serves as a new positive affirmation to be repeated as much as possible. Stick it everywhere; on your bathroom mirror, on your fridge, etc!

Exercise 3

So the last exercise (and the most fun) has been to ask my friends and family for 3 of my positive traits and 3 of my negative traits. It proved difficult for many of them, and for those that did, there were lots of little sweet bracketed messages after the negative traits such as (oh but everyone is this) ! Many just sent the positives but not the negatives!

This is the definitive list.

Positives:

Endearing, Kind, Caring, Someone of integrity, Compassionate, Honest, Brave, Friendly, Positive, Creative, Earthy, Kind, Gentle, Connected, Can laugh at /with myself, Open-minded, Good listener

Negatives:

Too hasty, Judgemental, Naive, Obsessive, Self-deprecating, Catastrophiser, Worrier, Self-righteous, Entitled, Over-thinker, Highly-sensitive

According to Debbie Ford

“we need to learn how to live in the full range of human capacity, and not feel bad about doing it. We must embrace the dark in order to embrace the light”.

For sure some of these negative traits bug me about myself…. (like they did in exercise 1!) I don’t like that I worry too much, that I can be self-righteous and obsessive. However, it is the positive traits that I find harder to accept about myself and is an interesting discovery.

Am I brave? I feel so fearful most of the time.

Am I creative? I feel like I struggle with my own creative side, or when I am creative I downplay how great my idea/creation has been.

It reminds me of the following quote by Sarah Taylor.

“The racism that slips from the mouth of the quietest man. The rage that spills into the fists of a woman who never knew how to say, no, The standing back at the work of art you just created—words, pictures, sounds, and unconsciously scrawled YAWP!—and saying to yourself, “Did I just do that? Where the f*ck did that come from?”…The Shadow could feel ugly and abhorrent, or it could feel beautiful.”

I was born with a healthy emotional system. I loved and accepted myself at birth, and didn’t judge which sides of myself were good or bad. But then I started to learn from the world, like the rest of us. I learned how to act, what behaviours brought me acceptance and love, and what ones brought me rejection and disapproval.

But it takes all parts to make a whole person, the whole spectrum of emotions and traits? Deepak Chopra says

“Each of us possesses every existing human quality. There is nothing we can see or conceive that we are not, and the purpose of our journey is to restore ourselves to this wholeness.”

This is Caroline, 10 years later, aged 40.

Would I like to be MORE me? Hell, yes. I guess this means I have got to learn how to give all of ME permission to exist. And who knows, maybe it could make me more likable and popular in the end!

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Part 1: Arriving Home

I wasn’t sure if I would be able to write this post, mainly for logistical reasons of being on the road with no wifi. But here I am, sitting in the morning sun, writing this post, with a roof over my head, food in my belly and a stable internet connection. For those of you that don’t know, I have been travelling in Western Europe with my family in a campervan for the last 8 months. We may have had a bit of a headstart on the isolation front, after spending a rainy winter in Northern Portugal, house sitting and taking care of two ponies and a cat. It was an inspiringly remarkable time, albeit emotionally turbulent. We left our house-sit around Valentine’s day to head south, but our camper had other ideas and broke down along the motorway (see video below for the ‘momentous moment’!) What ensued was 3 weeks without our van and another somewhat isolated month in the Coimbra region.

We stayed in the stunning Portuguese countryside, with access to a car for groceries, but apart from a couple of days out, we pretty much stayed around our space, a room which became our bedroom, living room, playroom, dining room, and office!

We went for long walks in the nearby forest and had conversations in the courtyard with the gentle couple who owned the place.

After 3 weeks of back and forth to the garage with our van, which turned out to have electrical issues rather than mechanical ones, we were finally able to get back on the road. And here is the first thing we did. It is Thursday the 12th of March, on Quiaios beach, west of Coimbra.

We splashed, we played, we laughed, we ran. We stretched out our bubble-wrapped bodies (with lots of audible popping!) It felt incredible to have an expanse of open space in front of us. We all breathed multiple sighs of relief to have our little home on wheels back.

The very next morning Joel had a call from his dad in Switzerland to say the situation in relation to the virus was getting serious and that if we wanted to get back to Switzerland, we needed to move quickly. So we started packing immediately and we left last Friday evening (13th March) at 5 pm. The kids slept as we drove until around 10 pm and spent our first night in a little village called Castelo Mendo close by the Spanish border. It was too late to set up beds so we put Ben on cushions on the floor of the van and Chloe, Joel and I slept in the bed. It was cozy, to say the least! We woke up the next morning to birds singing, and a sense of quietude all around. It was stunningly beautiful and despite the fact that we felt a sense of fleeing, I also felt very blessed at that moment.

I breathed it all in, knowing that demanding times were to follow, and off we started, eating our cheese sandwiches from our seats so as not to waste much time. Apart from food, toilet, and petrol breaks, we drove until around 10.30 pm and arrived near Perigueux.

This time I slept on the floor and put the two kids with their daddy in the bed.

Our kids were amazing that day, they laughed and joked and listened to music and sat quietly looking around, reading books and telling stories. Without any screens whatsoever they found amusement in the most simple activities…..spotting yellow cars, porsches, or various farm animals. They are used to staying amused in the van, however, we never drove for so many hours crammed into one day.

The next morning I outstretched my arms to the pretty little river below us and thanked her for giving us a good night’s sleep. It was now Sunday.

It was an important day. It was to be the day we ended our van life adventures, the day we arrived at the country we had decided to settle down in, and the day that same country (Switzerland) might be closing its borders because of the virus. We were out of money, with no home, and no jobs to begin our new chapter. It felt overwhelming to juggle those narratives in my mind. So, I didn’t. Instead, I took each hour that day as it came.

We arrived at the Swiss border. Our dog Pepper has an ongoing health issue which causes him to cough sometimes, and lo and behold, he chose this moment to start hacking away as Joel spoke to the border control police! However, two minutes later and we on our way to the bosom of Joel’s family, and a warm meal was awaiting. It was the best raclette I have ever had.

The next morning we decided it was necessary to split up as 6 people and 2 large dogs in one apartment was going to be tricky, so we are presently in a relative’s chalet in the mountains, and this is where we will stay until the drama is over. Heres the view from the window, it could be worse right?!

I feel incredibly blessed right now.

Sure we have no home of our own and are currently relying on family to keep us going. Sure, there is no certainty about our future, our stability, or our security, but we are not alone. I breathe deep and acknowledge the distress and heartache that humanity is feeling right now. I quote from The Hidden Life of Trees, an extraordinary book I’ve just read and been inspirited by.

“…the most astonishing thing about trees is how social they are. The trees in a forest care for each other, sometimes even going so far as to nourish the stump of a felled tree for centuries after it was cut down by feeding it sugars and other nutrients, and so keeping it alive. Only some stumps are thus nourished. Perhaps they are the parents of the trees that make up the forest of today. A tree’s most important means of staying connected to other trees is a “wood wide web” of soil fungi that connects vegetation in an intimate network that allows the sharing of an enormous amount of information and goods. Scientific research aimed at understanding the astonishing abilities of this partnership between fungi and plants has only just begun. The reason trees share food and communicate is that they need each other. It takes a forest to create a microclimate suitable for tree growth and sustenance. So it’s not surprising that isolated trees have far shorter lives than those living connected together in forests. Perhaps the saddest plants of all are those we have enslaved in our agricultural systems. They seem to have lost the ability to communicate, and, as Wohlleben says, are thus rendered deaf and dumb. “Perhaps farmers can learn from the forests and breed a little more wildness back into their grain and potatoes,” he advocates, “so that they’ll be more talkative in the future.” Peter Wohlleben

Maybe the internet has now become our ‘soil fungi’ and for anyone who is alone right now…..consider that like the trees in a forest, we are all perhaps more connected than we really know.

Part 2: Coming Home

Right now there is a steady stream of challenges, activities, and schedules to help people cope with staying at home for the next month. And they are wonderful…. coaches, fitness experts, artists, bloggers, musicians, and actors are all providing entertainment and amusement in the hope that they bring some lightness and togetherness to a separated world.

We have for sure had to temporarily renounce many life liberties for the sake of keeping ourselves and others protected. Simultaneously, many of us have gained so much freedom right now, freedom to be with our children all day, freedom to rekindle our interests and hobbies laid to rest many years ago because of a lack of time, freedom from social commitments, events, engagements, schedules, and deadlines. We have been given this amazing gift of TIME, which may be unfamiliar life terrain for many of us.

The gift of time offers an opportunity for us to ‘come home.’

What does it mean for us to ‘come home’? What does coming home look like? When the virus has run its course, what could change for our planet when its inhabitants have been empowered to ‘come home’. Would it be business as usual, or could we see a shift for the benefit of ourselves and mother earth?

‘Coming home’ is insight into the true nature of who we are, as unique beings full of potential. What is your true nature? Have you ever asked yourself? What or who do you rely on to give meaning to your life? What if we could feel completely fulfilled by simply being rather than doing?

“The outside world can only trigger or block your experience of your true nature. Each time something beautiful takes your breath away, that’s you experiencing yourself. Each time you fall in love with someone, that’s you experiencing yourself. Each time a child’s smile gives you unspeakable joy, that’s you experiencing yourself. Your true nature is beautiful. Life is the art of rediscovering yourself, again and again, in different forms, celebrating, rejoicing, welcoming. You are beautiful. You are life itself.” — Vironika Tugaleva

“A butterfly does not wonder how it can stop being a caterpillar. It simply feels some feeling from within that tells it: isolate yourself in this cocoon and grow within it. It trusts that feeling. When it comes out, it is radiant and beautiful. All the little bug did was follow its nature. You are no different.”— Vironika Tugaleva

Of course, there are things that need doing: most of us, even those isolating at home still have meals to cook and washing to do. But what if we could allow ourselves the freedom to just be for the next thirty days, to just allow ourselves to be carried wherever life brings us. Most people can acknowledge the concept that we are being breathed without any effort on our part, thus what if we could accept that we are in the same way being lived, and there is nothing we need to do, except allowing that notion to sink right down into the pits of our bellies. Sounds simple right! And of course, it is … and it isn’t.

There is this one thing that gets in the way of coming home – our thinking mind.

Our mind is full of narratives about what we should and shouldn’t be doing. As great as all the current online challenges and schedules are; they give us a clear message – that we need to do, do, do and not be (be, be!!). That despite the world shutting down and us having the first time in our lives to just be, that we still need to be productive somehow or we will lose the run of ourselves.

But what if in losing ourselves we might actually find ourselves! We could actually come home to our absolute true authentic selves! And that would be an incredible shift for the whole planet!

So without further ado, I offer you some tips to help you begin the process of coming home, coming home to ourselves. These are insights I have had over the last year of travelling and intensive time alone and with my family. I write these tips as an important reminder to myself, and my thinking mind, and also to help any of you going through intense struggle at this time.

The ‘Just Be’ Challenge

• Today you are going to do nothing (except for the usual cooking, cleaning basics). Well-meaning folk are telling you that this is an opportunity to get X,Y, and Z done. That it is the perfect time to be productive, to set goals, to push yourself. Resist the temptation. Sit quietly, either alone or with your kids. Allow life to move through you. And see what happens. And see what happens then. Repeat……When you let go of your tight grip on how reality needs to look for you, all sorts of magic may happen. And you will go to bed tonight reveling in the fact that you did next to nothing today, and that it was ok.
• Tomorrow your job is to do the exact same thing as today. Allow life to move through you. I know it is excruciatingly hard. But just for the next two days…See what comes up. What you are drawn to. What thoughts are very strong for you right now?Break your cycle of busyness, of doing. Ask yourself: why is it so challenging to not set schedules, to not know how you are going to fill your day and your children’s day? Are you afraid of losing control, or your mind? You are not alone. This is what our mind does! Thoughts come, thoughts go, its all part of the human experience. Your job is to just watch them, to put out the welcome mat for them, knowing that each thought is temporary and fleeting, as caustic as it seems. And remember, as a collective, we are having more of the same thoughts now than ever before! We really are all in the same boat!

The Kids are Alright

For those of us with children who are schooled this is an extra challenging time. I have been unschooling (homeschooling without curriculum) for almost 2 years and my biggest takeaways are:

• Don’t worry about your children. Your children are learning so much by living and doing. Right now the mental health of your children takes precedence to any maths division or reading exercises. It is a taxing time for your children too, so cut them some slack and relax your grip a little. As an unschooling mum, I rely on living and doing as the cornerstone of my children’s education – and I trust that that is enough, as thorny as that can feel sometimes. I ask myself what will be the most important qualities an individual will need to possess in our world in twenty years’ time, and my answer always revolves around – free-thinking, compassion, problem-solving, risk-taking and loving what they do.

• Get the kids moving every day…set up obstacle courses…be creative and get their input. If you don’t have a garden or can’t go out then get music on (or Cosmic Kids yoga on YouTube is fab) Katy Bowman offers a ton of indoor movement ideas here and a ton of outdoor ideas for all age groups here.
• Get them started on something and you will most likely be able to leave them to it. Get out some supplies …art supplies, scraps, fabric bits, glue, scissors. Spend 30 good solid minutes totally present (leave your phone on airplane mode, even better put it out of sight, so your kids know you are really present). Then once they are in their creative flow, you may be free to leave if you wish to do so – but I warn you you may not want to!
• Don’t limit yourself to those ‘Pinterest’ projects that have a clearly defined goal. The best projects are those that start only with supplies and an idea. Allow your kids to brainstorm, hash out ideas together and see the glorious creations of children who are allowed space to be authentically creative, not just following steps to hash out versions of someone else’s creation.
• There’s an abundance of online stuff (even more so now) to get ideas….we are keeping it simple …we do a couple of Science Max videos on YouTube and the author Mo Willems is doing a free half-hour doodle session every day. See what your kids want to do…follow their interests, their lead, their curiosity, get involved. But DON’T overdo it – take this time to allow their creativity to blossom, allow a little bit of boredom. In fact, boredom is required! It is where the most amazing games/ideas/projects can spring from. It is easy to feel inadequate as an unschooling mum…. I hear myself constantly saying “I should be doing more, I should be finding BETTER resources.” I am working on trusting that what I give my kids is enough and they are exactly where they need to be in terms of learning and life.
• Your kids will protest, dislike you, even the big bad ‘hate’ word might come rolling out of their little mouths. Your role as a parent isn’t to suck up to your kids so they will like you. Your role is to hold space for their emotions and offer guidance. So when they plead to you saying they are bored….say ‘how wonderful – when I was young, being bored meant that something really fun and special was about to happen!!!’ Mine used to look at me sideways when I do that, but now they rarely get bored.
• Change your mindset about what is learning for the next month. As an unschooling mum, I see learning coming from the most mundane things such as watching ants collect food or the technique of cracking eggs to make a cake. It is all about building our kid’s attention spans, something that modern-day technology fails to do most of the time. In our house, we love humanising our dog. So we all sit watching Pepper and pretend we are reading his thoughts. We vocalise them into a running commentary and it is always absurdly amusing. For me, it is an important lesson in attention and patience, watching the small details of Peppers’s nose and head movements, because we cannot direct Pepper in the movements, so he might just lie there for a few minutes before giving us anything to work with!
• Allow your house to get messy as hell (or a section of your house at least) to let your kid’s imaginations run wild!!!
• Remember, this is the one moment of your life where you might get to spend more time than ever before with your kids, so enjoy it! Get stuck into the creative process with them and great things will come! You might never want to send them back to school!

The Rules

• Be very clear with yourself about how much news and social media you can consume, before you start feeling anxious. I take a look at what is going on in the news in the mornings, and once more throughout the day. I have stopped allowing myself to go on social media at night before bed, and it really interferes with a restful sleep for me.
• Be incredibly kind to yourself. If there was a time to practice self-compassion, then this is it! If you have a moment of madness, have it, then let it go. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
• As far as you can maintaining social distancing, do things in your day that make your heart sing. For me, this means meditation, movement, sitting in the garden and taking in the sun, and chatting to friends on zoom or whatsapp.
• Eat as well as you can.
• Sleep as well as you can.

I will leave you all with a quote from Doe Zantamata.

Take care, and come home to yourself XX

“It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.” – Doe Zantamata

The post Have you begun the Process of ‘Coming Home?’ appeared first on Bare Soled Girl.

“I have spent much of my adult life saying Yes when I wanted to say No, and saying No when I wanted to say Yes. I am moving towards a new paradigm – of saying No when I want to say No, and saying Yes when I want to say Yes.”

Sounds simple right?! I have been considering why this been a monumental part of my reality for as long as I can remember. As perennial habit patterns are being brought to my awareness, laid bare, and stripped of their carapace, I am finally seeing their fatuity and futility. I lay out below some conclusions I have come to, and hope that some of you reading may possibly gain an accelerated insight from them!

Why I said Yes when I wanted to say No?

Sacred Life Principles

I hadn’t set formulated clear sacred principles and priorities for what I wanted from my life, therefore any opportunity that came my way, it made sense to just grab it. Why would I say No when I didn’t even know what I wanted myself? So I said Yes……

Yes, I would commit to the voluntary role of administrator for the community group, even though I was already quite busy. I was pleased that the group admins deemed me responsible enough to take on this role. And so, in saying Yes I was left with less time for my family, a caressed ego, and eventual resentment towards the group.

Yes, I would take the database job, even though I know I had transferable skills in other areas.

Yes, I would go shopping all day, even though shopping centers drive me crazy.

Yes, I would have a meetup, even though I was breastfeeding and exhausted.

I was the queen of saying Yes when i wanted to say No.

My emerging paradigm:

I am figuring out the absolute priorities for my life. I am making lists. I am crossing out lists. I’m making new lists. Being offered an opportunity, a job position, an invite, or a sofa inflate my ego and make me feel important, there’s no doubt about that. So I am questioning whether these offers authentically align with my life principles and priorities, and am henceforth practicing declining those offers that don’t, politely of course.

There are two things to note here. The first is that my life principles may and probably will change from year to year, decade to decade, and that’s okay! We all need different things in our lives at different times. The second is to look out… the universe will test you, all the time. No sooner will you formulate a clear principle around only working with a company that aligns with your values, than Unsustainable Inc. will give you a call offering you an amazing position with an amazing salary! This will happen, guaranteed, and it has happened to me on numerous occasions.

Pleasing People

I aspired to please people, especially my family, my teachers and my friends. Then children came along, and i strived diligently to be the perfect parent, (which doesn’t exist by the way). I said Yes to commands, demands, requests, obligations, and favours. There is no doubt that i have grown up caring profusely about what those around me think of me.

My emerging paradigm:

Man, this is a tough one. The need to please others is so ingrained in me, it’s baffling to know where to begin. I am sure it comes from a need for self-acceptance on a deeper level. Nevertheless, I am coming to terms with the fact that the only person I really need to please is myself. And through pleasing myself, the people around me get to have a happier more content Caroline in their life, so everyone wins! It isn’t pleasing yourself in a selfish uncaring way. It is to simply put yourself and your needs as a priority. Another aspect here that has allowed things to shift for me was to get curious.

“What is it in me that needs to say Yes when i want to say No?

What am i afraid of?

What will happen if i say No?”

If i say No to the kids for cinema today, will they hate me? Will they be forced to confront unpleasant uncomfortable feelings, that perhaps I don’t want to hold space for?

When I asked myself these questions, these are the answers I came up with.

By saying No, they would learn the value of patience that modern society struggles with, they would learn that life is not an Amazon store and that when you live with other people, you need to respect their needs too! It also gave them a chance to experience big feelings and gave mum a chance to practice being unfazed by those big feelings. This, in turn, could allow them to be vessels of their own feelings and not force them to shut-down, an important gift we can give our kids!

Keeping Peace

I have avoided confrontation in my life like the plague. I have chosen not to assert myself in favour of harmony and a quiet life. My sheepish diffidence was bound to breed resentment of course, and it did so in many realms of my life, from career to relationships.

My emerging paradigm:

I hypothesise that the people around you are the mirrors to your soul. They are there to show you parts of yourself that need renovating.

For example, I have a Swiss partner. He is very direct, assertive and strong-minded. Food shopping is always an interesting experience. Only yesterday we were busily creating a meal plan (in the supermarket, with two hungry kids, hee hee) and I fancied some greens in some shape or form. When I picked up a bok choi, Joel considered that it might turn the kids off their burrito bowls and that it was better to just get extra peppers. But I genuinely wanted a bok choi in that burrito bowl, and I knew if chopped up small enough, that the kids would eat it. But, I walked past my beloved bok choi.

“The cogs of resentment, victimization, and frustration began to turn. (yes over a cabbage!)”

So I got curious again. What am I afraid of? I said my partner is strong-minded, but he’s not an asshole! And so I simply stated my wish to have them in the meal, popped them in the basket and life moved on without further debate. I had made up a story that I needed to back down, to prevent any confrontation. Meanwhile, Joel just wanted to get the shopping done! So Joel served as a very important mirror here. He showed me what I needed to do at that moment, even though he was unaware of such.

Distraction from Uncomfortable Emotions

Dealing with uncomfortable emotions had always been a struggle for me. I ran away from feelings of boredom, frustration, and loneliness for years. All it took was a chance of escape, any escape and I was there. I would keep busy saying Yes to anything and everything, busying myself until those difficult feelings subsided. In reality they were being pushed further down, and were bound to keep surfacing until I dealt with them.

My emerging paradigm:

Again, I ask myself….

“What is it in me that needs to say Yes when i want to say No?

What am i afraid of?

What will happen if i say No?”

Perhaps I was afraid that I wasn’t strong enough to deal with those feelings like they would overcome me, or eat me up! I asked myself what was my real reason for feeling lonely, often despite being around people, a lot.

As Mark Twain once said,

“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”

So I am going all-in with feelings of boredom or loneliness. I see brewing emotions that were once problematic as challenges, as chances for insight, for new clarity, for growth. If I am feeling like shit, and a friend wants to meet up, I figure its best to postpone the meet-up and to take a little space to welcome this emotion that has reared its melancholy head.

Of course now with children boredom doesn’t happen very often, but we have spent a rainy winter in the middle of the countryside in Northern Portugal. I had no insurance to drive a vehicle, so I had to get used to country life … with no people, nevermind friends around me for almost 4 months ( save a couple of forest school meet-ups ).

It has been one of the best times of my life.

As a 40-year-old, I had to finally face myself, deal with those feelings I have suppressed with entertainment and distraction for so much of my adult life. There was no escaping my family for coffees, walks around Tesco ( yes I did that! ).

I had the forest.

I had the garden.

I had the river.

I wandered around. I got into the river. I felt those uncomfortable emotions … of feeling trapped, of feeling lonely, of feeling fed up. I surrendered. It felt like for the first time in my life, I was allowing a bigger spectrum of emotions to surge through me. The pleasant ones I had grabbed and clutched tightly, but the unpleasant ones, well I never really knew what to do with those. But it became clear. I needed to allow those too. They were all just part of what it means to be human. And they are beautiful and show us who we are. And I spent some wonderful moments with my family.

I will never forget winter 2019. And for the record, I still have a long way to go, but I am beginning to say No when I want to say No, and Yes when I want to say Yes!

Thank you for reading x

P.S. There is of course another thing called the Enlightened Yes! That’s a post for another day, but I’ll leave you with this sketch from the wonderful Irish series Father Ted. Here Mrs Doyle won’t allow her friend to pay for her lunch because it’s polite to just say No.

The post The Enlightened No appeared first on Bare Soled Girl.

Between packing to go back on the road, getting on the road and campervan breakdown, I have (somehow!) had the opportunity to interview a great bunch of ladies from a Facebook group named DIY Moccs & Minimals, who make shoes (especially barefoot styles) for themselves and their children. The shoes they make are not only aesthetically beautiful but fully functional. I found it intriguing to exchange with them, and whilst I haven’t gotten round to making a pair myself (i will though!), I thought it might be interesting to showcase the talents of these mums.

Why make your own shoes?

To begin the conversation, I asked the ladies what sparked their interest in making their own shoes. Hope Bartel’s first attempt at making shoes was in Autumn of 2014 when she realized that after a long summer of wearing Xero Shoes DIY Feeltrue Kit sandals almost exclusively, her winter boots were going to kill her feet and back! So she started shopping around online for minimalist boot options, and they were way out of her price range (as a side note, the situation for barefoot boot choice has already improved since then). Hopes background is in visual art and her dad had always DIY-ed things, so she thought,

“Hey, I could probably make a passable pair of boots myself.”

Consequently, she drove to the local Tandy leather store and bought a bag full of leather scraps and a couple of big pieces of suede leather, an awl, some leather needles, and some artificial sinew. She draped and wrapped the suede around her feet to figure out the shapes she needed and kept on improvising from there. She used some wool felt from the fabric store for lining and rubber flooring material she found inexpensively online for the soles. That first pair of boots looked very homemade, but they were incredibly comfortable and saw her through a whole winter.

Lena Gillan has always loved walking in bare feet, so wanted a way to keep the barefoot feel, but with ground protection. For Ana Marinova, the initial idea of making shoes was fascinating to her, choosing the desired fabrics and colors and so on.

Necessity sparked Svea Gamla’s interest, as she wasn’t able to find what she was looking for in stores. The cost of healthy footwear was a primary factor for Hannah Lamm. As a family of 6, she has a lot of feet to cover! Aside from being sold on barefoot principles, she also really values handmade over mass-produced shoes coming from the other side of the world. Sara Reimold always loved interesting shoes but could rarely find ones that were comfortable and affordable. Sara makes a lot of her own clothes and decided that she could probably learn to make shoes herself too. Like Hannah, her interest grew as her family grew!

Patterns or freestyle?

Hannah uses various patterns, as she felt with a large family it would be time-consuming to design different patterns for each child. She primarily uses the TipTaps pattern (discussed later) for her son and appreciates the precision and detail of the instructions, and final look of the shoes, and how it’s highly customizable to the shape of each foot.

Ana has used the Barfoot pattern (discussed later), for the most conventional-looking shoes with the barefoot qualities of a wide toe box, lightweight, zero heel and as flexible as you want them to be! Svea uses patterns to learn the techniques but then alters to suit her needs. Hope and Lena design their own patterns and told me that all that’s essentially required to get started is leather or fabric scraps, scissors, needles, and a hole puncher!

“It sounds like Blue Peter really!”

Hope does find the process challenging, but that’s part of why she likes it. She enjoys visualizing different styles and designing for the comfort of her feet and her kids’ feet, and she has discovered she really enjoys working with leather.

Sara creates patterns, as well as using existing ones. She has a pair of lasts (shoe-shaped molds) that she uses to make patterns for herself and her daughter. For her boys, however, she generally follows a pattern, often TipTaps for “regular” shoes or Twig + Tale boots (discussed later). Hannahs favorite pattern is the Twig and Tale Tie-Back Boots. I would agree with Hope, when she stated that she prefers to have all-natural materials touching the foot whenever possible, for reasons of breathability and comfort. Like myself, she also strives to keep her use of plastic to a minimum, so that extends into her shoemaking endeavors as well.

Sewing Machine or handsewn?

The ladies all agree that an inspired beginner seamstress can follow a pattern, and a sewing machine is not necessary, although Hannah adds the tip that if you need to sew by hand, to try to choose a shoe style and pattern with as few seams as possible! Sara does state that the trickiest part about working with leather is that holes stay forever, so it’s very difficult to go back and fix a mistake without it compromising the look or function of the shoe.

Pricing of DIY Shoes

Hannah stated that her shoes typically work out to be about $10-$15 per pair. She likes to use thrifted leather jackets and has bought bundles of leather scraps. Good soling materials are the major expense (rubber and contact cement), but some people get around that by using things like recycled bike innertubes or yoga mats. She likes her shoes to look polished and professional, and she feels like good soling helps with that. Sara agrees with Hannah that whilst costs are different for each pair, it is usually not more than $10-$15. She also buys large pieces of leather scraps (for the uppers) from a local upholstery store for about $8 a pound, and she uses vegetable-tanned leather for soles, usually finishing with toughtek on the bottom to prevent sliding.

Durability

Everyone felt that DIY shoes typically hold out well, even the winter styles. Hannah informed me:

“If it’s very slushy out my kids put on their waterproof boots. I did not attempt any major weather-proofing. But, I will say that I am surprised at how warm our toes stay in our wool & leather boots! No one complains of cold feet! I do occasionally need to re-glue spots around the soles, but by-and-large they are holding up great.”

Sara affirms the importance of durability for kids’ shoes. They scuff the toes, slide, drag their feet, jump and climb…for this reason the sole needs to be really solidly put on, more so than on adult shoes.

Advice for Beginners:

Hannah’s advice:

“I would say not to be scared or intimidated. I made simple sandals years ago and then thought about making actual shoes for a year and a half before I ever attempted it because I was so intimidated. Assess your skills and materials, decide what kind of shoe you are interested in making, look for a pattern, and go for it! And ask questions. The “maker” community in general is very friendly and open.”

Sarah’s advice:

“I guarantee you will make some pairs that just don’t look or work the way you hoped. But practice makes perfect and with a little persistence you can have an addictive and useful hobby. I absolutely love being able to make comfortable, inexpensive, personalized, cute shoes for my family. It’s very satisfying. And it doesn’t take a lot of expensive tools or a separate room to do it. Most of my tools fit in a small box.”

Hope Bartel has allowed me to detail her pattern making process for anyone interested in drafting their own pattern.

• Step 1: Put on a pair of socks you’re about to toss. Stand on a piece of paper. Use dozens of short pieces of duct tape to cover your foot up past where you want the edges of the shoe to go and down onto the paper. Finally, use a pen or permanent marker to sketch the different pieces of your shoes onto the tape (e.g., I drew side pieces on one foot and toe/tongue and heel pieces on the other foot).
• Step 2: On some part of the duct tape you won’t be using for your pattern, cut a slit far enough to wiggle your feet free. Cut out the pieces you need to draft a pattern.
• Step 3: Layout the duct tape/sock pattern pieces as flat as you can (cut little slits as needed, like in the piece that goes over the toes) and trace around each piece on a sheet of paper.

• Step 4: Smooth out the lines you’ve traced and cut out your paper pattern. Make adjustments as needed and note where you need to add space for stitching.
• Step 5: Trace around your paper patterns onto the leather you’re using, paying careful attention to lefts and rights. My design is for unlined leather uppers, hence not needing a seam allowance everywhere. Usually, I make the pattern without, so I can add as needed on the leather and have the pattern line to follow for stitching.

Note: You can use masking tape instead, but it kinda fell apart on me when I did. Duct tape is a little bit overkill, but comfortably sturdy.

List of Pattern Makers:

Online Webstores:

• Twig and Tale (New Zealand Based, with English patterns)

• Rabaukowitsch (German based, with English patterns)

• Fluff Store (German based, currently with English adult pattern)

• Lena Gillan Design for dresses, journals, and jewelry (shoe patterns to be added soon)

Etsy Pattern Makers

• Nuria from Nurimu Patterns makes leather patterns not only for baby shoes, but also for stylish bags and wallets

• Mary from Precious Patterns :

“I have been sewing since I was twelve. I have a bachelor’s degree in Advertising Design from the University of Maryland. When my children were young I sold my original designs to craft, sewing and quilting magazines as a way to stay home with my children. Eventually most of the magazines went out of business and I had to find a new way to be creative. I found Etsy in 2008 and opened up a shop selling onesies and baby shoes. People loved the baby shoes and kept asking me if I would sell a sewing pattern with instructions so they could make the shoes. At that time, not very many shops were selling sewing patterns so I decided to give it a try and created three shoe patterns. They started selling the first night I posted them on Etsy. Over the years, I have continued to come up with new shoe toy sewing patterns for babies.”

• Annie from Sew U Can Patterns :

“I started making soft sole shoe patterns for my daughter when she started walking because nothing fit her feet and I refused to force her into a too narrow baby shoe. I’m largely influenced by the work of Katy Bowman.”

• Summer from IThinkSewDesign has been selling patterns on Etsy since 2017

Interview with Pattern Makers

Inga Langhans (Rabaukowitsch) and Lisa Spearman (Twig and Tale)

What sparked your interest in making your own shoes?

Inga:

At the moment barefoot shoe brands are sprouting out of the ground. I have tested various brands and found that barefoot shoes are much easier to make than conventional shoes because of their minimalism. I was not satisfied with the price-performance ratio of most of the brands I have bought so far, specifically the durability and weather resistance. I thought: I’ll just give it a try.

Lisa:

I wanted to make some warm slippers for my wee girl and I had a lot of 100% pure New Zealand wool blankets at my disposal, so I set to work creating a pattern where I could utilize this beautiful fabric. After such an enthusiastic response from everyone about the patters, we then created the animal versions of the shoes and boots, and the adult boot versions too.

Is the process difficult? Do you need to be an experienced seamstress?

Inga:

Frankly, no. Well, it is not harder to sew than other projects, the principle is actually quite simple. But you should be able to handle your sewing machine and know the materials you want to use. It is very important to work very accurately and to plan a lot of time. Especially cutting is very important.

Lisa:

Both patterns are suitable for a beginner/adventurous beginner. If you can use a sewing machine to sew a straight line and a curve, then you can make either of these shoes/boots!

Do you need a sewing machine?

Inga:

Yes, depending on the material you want to use for your shoes, your machine should be able to sew several layers of it. Usually, a domestic sewing machine is sufficient.

Lisa:

I find it easier and faster to use a sewing machine, but either of them could be sewn by hand if desired.

What aspects of a shoe are most important for a child’s foot in your opinion?

Inga:

Many children inadvertently wear shoes that are too small, as the shoes are often smaller than their size indicates. It is important that children have at least 12 mm of room to roll in the shoe. 18 mm is perfect if the child should also have some room to grow. Furthermore, a shoe should be adapted to the natural shape of the foot and not the other way round.

The width of the shoe should fit the foot and not simply be wide per se. A shoe that is too long and too wide is just as bad for the foot and walking as one that is too tight. Therefore my pattern contains detailed instructions for individual fitting.

Lisa:

I wanted footwear with a wide toe box, flexible natural materials for sole, easy to get on and off for small children, and fully lined so no exposed seams on the inside to irritate.

How much do they work out at per pair?

Inga:

This is difficult to generalize and depends very much on the materials used. Depending on the size, shoes can be upcycled well, e.g. you can sew shoes out of old leather clothes. Also, the furniture industry often has cheap leftovers to give away. If you want to use new eco-certified leather, it will, of course, cost more.

Apart from the material costs mentioned above, you will need sole plates, shoemaker’s glue, eyelets, and laces. That is about 20 – 30 Euro additionally. But this is the first purchase and the material is enough for several pairs of shoes. The most expensive thing about shoes is your working time.

Lisa:

Because they use such small amounts of fabric, I mostly use scraps from other projects. I generally use leather for the soles which I cut from old garments from the thrift store, so they are very inexpensive to make.

How do they hold up in winter weather/rain?

Inga:

According to the used material like every shoe.

Lisa:

These were initially designed as indoor shoes/boots however they have been successfully made outdoor-friendly by many many customers by using different types of sole material.

Any advice for anyone starting out?

Inga:

Take enough time and work with an alert mind. Especially the cut for two mirror-inverted shoes requires a lot of concentration. Don’t expect a miracle with the first shoe, usually, it takes some practice to sew a nice pair of shoes, even if you are an advanced sewer. This can be sobering. But when it comes to sewing shoes, we are all kind of beginners! Join the Rabaukowitsch community for more support!

Lisa:

Give it a go! Making footwear is such a rewarding and transformational experience and you can start out with a simple basic version first and work your way up into more complex versions as you go. For more support, join the Twig + Tale community where 30k members are happy to share experiences and advice.

Thanks to Hope Bartel, Lena Gillan, Ana Marinova, Svea Gamla, Hannah Lamm, Sara Reimold for their wonderful contributions to this post!

The post The Women who Make their Kids’ Shoes appeared first on Bare Soled Girl.

What is success to you?

Success signifies different things to different people. It may also change from one decade to another. For me, success means a fulfilled life, in which I have the courage and freedom to be myself.

How do you stay centered in the middle of chaos?

I breathe in for 4, out for 4 and hold for 4. Simple as that sounds, it’s a highly effective technique that gets me through chaotic moments. 

How do you do your bit for the planet?

By sending out compassion during meditation, by only taking what I need from it, and by enjoying all the beauty to be experienced in this life.

What advice would you give your younger self?                                    

Stop wasting time looking for happiness, it’s to be found inside of you (cheesy as that sounds). Be authentically yourself, be honest about your needs, and assert yourself. I would also have myself read these 3 books:

• The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton
• Turning the Mind into an Ally by Sakyong Mipham
• Being Human by Amy Johnson 

What is magic for you?

Thoughtless present moments are pure magic, rare and unforgettable.

Also, synchronicities. I don’t believe things happen by chance or coincidence anymore. I’ve had way too many synchronicities in my life for that!

What is love for you?

When you love yourself completely, in complete acceptance of your shadow, and in a way that negates any need for another person. When you get to that place, there are no expectations from the other person, you completely accept who they are and allow them total space and freedom to find their own way. This is a work in progress in my own relationship, but my partner and I are both dedicated to doing the work to get to that place where our first love is ourselves!

What is your biggest challenge?

Practicing self-compassion, and not falling into old habits that don’t serve me.

What is your beauty/ health practice?

I will begin with the beauty practice, as it’s short! 

I’m going to be blatantly honest and say that I get up and go in the morning… I splash my face with water and that’s it. A few nights a week, I massage castor oil onto my face and neck. Then rinse it off with a hot damp cloth. Then I massage a blend of oils into my skin. Currently, my handmade blend is organic rosehip, neem, and jojoba oil with patchouli and frankincense essential oil. The rest of the week it’s a quick splash of water and off to bed. 

As for my hair, I currently use Theraneem organic shampoo and conditioner. I do an Olaplex repair treatment once a month and use Cantu curl cream for my curls. I don’t really use any body moisturizers or oils, and shave/dry skin brush when I remember! 

1. Dry skin brush
2. Theraneem shampoo and conditioner
3. Face and massage brushes
4. Sage for smudging
5. Wide toothed comb
6. Various organic face oils for mixing
7. Dr. Bronner toothpaste, toothbrush and razor (Yes, they are plastic. I’m making the shift… one thing at a time)
8. Pukka castor oil for face cleansing
9. RMS organic eye shadow and foundation pots (for the odd time I wear makeup)
10. Homemade dry skin egg (shea butter, coconut oil)
11. Cantu curl cream
12. Weleda wild rose body wash

In relation to health practices, I have simplified things a lot over the years.

I meditate in some shape or form, every day, be it for 5 minutes before I go to sleep, 10 minutes before lunch is ready or 5 minutes walking to the shop. I have stopped committing myself to any schedules that with children and a busy life might need twigging from day to day, as I found this in itself was a source of discontent. I noticed I was criticizing myself if I didn’t stick to the unrealistic goals I set week by week. I smudge sage over myself from time to time, as a general reset button.

I make efforts to go into cold water as often as I can… Which for now is easy with a river beside where we stay, so I go into the river around 3 times a week and am absolutely hooked. There’s a definite internal debate each time I go for my dip.

I try my damnedest to talk myself out of it, because… Well, it’s uncomfortable. But the rewards are so meaningful. Physically, I feel vital, focused, alive and energized the rest of the day. Emotionally, I feel brighter, spirited and grateful, and yes there’s even a spiritual component. I experience a feeling of surrender and release, the same kind of feeling you get when you have just spilled your heart out to a dear friend. The river has become a dear friend.

I eat balanced home-prepared meals, as local and organic as I can commit to, depending on where we are and the budget for that particular week. 

As far as supplements, I have stripped them right down to the following: 

I take a universal mold, heavy metal and toxin binder a few times a week, mixed with apple juice and water kefir.

I take Oriel Magnesium drops when I think of it.

I make efforts to take time out when I need it, and now accept that short bursts here and there are as beneficial as full days away from everyone. 

What makes your spirit glow? 

Being myself. When I’m with people that I can be my authentic self, my spirit glows. Also, dancing to music and listening to music.

What have you learned about yourself since you became a nomad?

I’ve become acutely aware of aspects of my environment that seemingly trigger me. I’m catching myself a little quicker, so I don’t fall into spiraling cascades of negative thoughts and feelings. Also, I’m enjoying my own company immensely! I don’t think I ever spent so much time in my own company.

What things in life are still a mystery to you?

Why it takes people decades of their lives (including me) to come home to themselves or begin the journey of coming home to themselves. If only this stuff was taught in school!

If you could ask a guru any question that you want to know the answer to, what would you ask?

I wouldn’t ask one. I’ve watched the YouTube videos, read the self-help books, went to more retreats than I can count. As a wise lady from Carlingford once said to me “the more we know, the more we realise we know nothing. In the end, we are all just putting one step in front of the other”. 

If you could say one thing to the youth of the world what would you say?

You have been led astray. Everywhere you look, you are bombarded with messages that you’re not enough. This breeds fear and disconnects you from the truth of who you are. We all have everything in us to succeed, to live a fulfilled life. The only thing keeping us from this is our own thinking, so remember, don’t believe every thought you have. Be authentic, and practice self-compassion every day of your life. Don’t follow anyone’s path but your own.

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